Lovely

This made my day! Thank you Mary!!!

The Elevator Ride

While riding in an elevator at work today, I read over a calendar that had been hanging up. It was there to keep everyone updated with this months activities. There was something that happened on today's date that held a great deal of significance, and I just couldn't remember what it was. About the third time in the elevator, I finally realized what December 16th. represented. It was the day that I was scheduled to have a c-section with Isaiah. I was going to go in for surgery earlier than December 25th., so that I wouldn't be in the hospital having him on Christmas day. I'll never forget the hospital calling and leaving me a message on my answering machine telling me the time to arrive and check in at the hospital to have my baby! For one moment, he was still alive. Then, I completely lost it. No one ever contacted anyone in surgery to cancel the c-section that we had planned months prior. I was not "good" for quite awhile after that whole ordeal...

After realizing what today represented, I could slowly feel my heart start to sink in my chest.

I calmly composed myself and got to the nearest bathroom. I locked the door behind me. For a split second, I just wanted to stand there in the dark. Just be completely alone.

I walked over to the mirror, and stared at my reflection. I tried to find him. I tried to find any piece that he had of his mama.

I found him.

Deep within my eyes, I could see the pain. I could see the love.

I found a mother who continues to live for him. Live the life that was not fully lived to a mother's expectations.

I calmly composed myself, unlocked the door and continued on my way back to the elevator...

Untouched Package

Above, is a picture of Isaiah's blankets and little preemie newborn hat. These items have been packed away in Isaiah's tote. I have never been able to crack the seal of that zip lock bag. That zip lock bag was brought to my door by a man that worked at the funeral home were Isaiah was taken. *sigh*

I held him in those blankets, and kissed that hat for over 24 hrs.

This bag holds the past.

It contains motherhood.

I got to care for him, hold him, and tell him how much I loved him and how much I will be missing him.

For the first year, I would take that zip lock bag out of my dresser, pull it close to my chest and just weep.

I feel as though it has one day concealed, forever.

The second year, I moved these 'items' to his tote. I opened his tote a couple of days ago, which brought about these feelings and this post.

In an older post, I remember saying a final goodbye:

"The nurse, funeral director and myself, took Isaiah to a room in the NICU. He lied there in a baby basket, wrapped in soft blankets. I asked to be alone for a few minutes. I kissed him, told him how much I loved him, and began to walk away. Then I would turn around, and go back to the basket and do it all again. I did this about five times. The only word to describe how I felt at that moment.... torn. You don't leave your children in the store, and walk away. You don't take them to the doctor, only to drive away without them. How do you say goodbye?? FOREVER..... until heaven welcomes you.

I was checked out of the hospital shortly after saying my final goodbye. I got wheeled out, with a swollen belly and empty arms. My son got to leave in a box with a stranger."

I suppose I'm holding onto the past. Clinging to the 24 hrs. that I was able to hold Isaiah and have pictures taken together. I felt a certain kind of peace when he was with me. Even though he wasn't alive, I still felt complete, because he was with me. I was able to protect him. I was able to mother my child...

I don't know if I will ever be able to crack the seal of that bag, but one thing is for sure, he will always be my littlest buddy and nothing can separate our bond. I believe that it will continue to grow through the years.......

Remembering At Christmas 2010

I am posting an old "Walking With You" post from last year. You can join in and link up if you would like to share about someone you love and are missing this Christmas.

Kelly, from Sufficient Grace Ministries, is the awesome creator of "Walking With You." These are her words, "If you are missing someone you love this Christmas, someone of ANY age who is spending Christmas with Jesus this year, I hope you will join us on this very special Walking With You. We are sharing our Christmas memories and the ways that we remember our loved ones who have gone home to heaven at Christmas time."

Anyone can join in and link up over on Kelly's blog! There are a few giveaway prizes too! It's a beautiful way to share the one(s) you love and miss. This will be my third year celebrating Christmas without Isaiah. If you missed my last post, I had stated that Isaiah's due date was December 25, 2008. It adds a little "sting" to the day, but God always carries me through......

Last years post:

I guess I just don't know where to start. I couldn't possibly sum up how I feel in a few paragraphs. I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I really think about how I have a little boy that is not here with me....... here come the tears. I'm just sitting here staring at my screen and crying. How can I put into words the loss of a child. It's mostly overwhelming feelings that never leave your body. I suppose that is why a breakdown is required every month, give or take a few weeks. You learn how to hide the pain from others. It's a lot harder to hide during the holidays. This will be my second Christmas without my sweet boy. Those aren't easy words to write, read or even speak. I have a little boy that is gone. 

Last year I went shopping for a little boy that wouldn't be with me on Christmas morning. I put his ornaments on the tree and added a tiny blue stocking in with his brothers stockings. I bought a little stuffed animal Christmas moose for him too. It will all be brought out this Christmas as well.

Here is a quick picture of how my last Christmas went......

My husband and I came out into the living room first. I turned on the Christmas lights. He grabs the camera. "Ok boys, you can come out now!" Here come the little feet running down the hallway. One missing boy. One missing little set of feet running. I hand out the stockings to the boys filled with goodies. One missing boy. One empty stocking. I pass out the presents. One missing boy. One name missing from the pile of presents. My husband takes the pictures. One missing boy. One missing smile. Christmas dinner at my moms house. I put together three plates for the boys, and go light a special candle... for the one missing boy. 

I suppose this Christmas will play out the same way as the last, only now I have another sweet boy that has been added to the family. My sweet Ezekiel. Bittersweet... that's all that I can say. 

When I drift off to sleep on Christmas Eve this year, I will say my prayers, and ask God for a special gift... to meet up with my sweet Isaiah in my dreams. Then, for just a moment, I will have all my boys with me.... no one missing.

My First Giveaway!

WINNER OF THE ANGEL SNOW GLOBE.................Andrea-Memories As A Mom. Congratulations!!! The worst part of having a giveaway, is only having one winner. :( Thank you to all who participated!


.........................................................................

After blogging for almost two years, I'm finally having my first giveaway! I'm really excited about it too!

The last couple of weeks, I have really thought about what I can do this Christmas in memory of Isaiah. I juggled around the idea of buying and donating a toy to a child that fell in the same age group that Isaiah would be in, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I couldn't last year and I can't this year. I know that it probably sounds terrible to write that, but it would be torture to look for a toy that Isaiah would be playing with right now. I'm struggling enough with the holiday season as it is. I don't need to "open" up the wound more than it already is.

I haven't shared every little detail of Isaiah or my life on my blog, but over time, I'll share little pieces along the way. One very important detail of Isaiah's life that I've never shared, was his due date. Isaiah was due on December 25, 2008........ Christmas day. There are so many details of this little boys life, that just break my heart so deeply. Writing the words, 'I miss him,' just don't quite cut it. My soul completely aches for that little boy.

In memory of Isaiah, I am holding a giveaway of the beautiful angel snow globe below. I bought it this afternoon. I shopped around the last couple of days, trying to find the most perfect gift, and this was just perfect to me. "Silent Night," is the song that quietly plays when wound up. This is my favorite Christmas song of all time. It's beautiful.

This giveaway is open to all. Winner will be announced on December 1st.

To enter, leave a comment about how you feel during the Christmas season. You may even want to share an important detail in your life that you've never told anyone. You never know, you might just end up helping somebody else who may be facing a similar situation and/or feeling.

Good luck & God Bless!

(Make sure and leave your e-mail address if you're commenting and do not have a blog. That way I can let you know if you are the winner!!!)

A Dream.....hanging on

It's been over a year since I've had a dream of Isaiah.

Last night, I finally held him in my dreams. It wasn't good though. It was plain torture to my soul.

In my dream, I remember holding him in my arms, very close to my body. Just as a mother cradles her child with love and transmits a shield of protection, I carried him. The worst part, he was not alive. He was beautiful and peaceful looking, just as he was in the hospital, when I was able to hold him and spend time telling him how much I loved him.

During the dream, I had to keep hiding. I remember walking from one room to another. A man was coming to take him and bury him.*tears* It was horrible. I couldn't let the man take him.

I made myself wake up after the man had found me. I just couldn't bare the thought of walking away from him again.

I've never been able to let go. I'm still trying to wake myself from this living nightmare.

I'm still hanging on.......

Isaiah's 2nd. Birthday Slidshow

Below, is the slideshow that I put together for Isaiah's 2nd. birthday. The song that I had chosen for Isaiah's slidshow, was one of the three songs that was played at his memorial.

The first time that I had heard this song, was at my children's Vacation Bible School. I was 19 weeks pregnant with Isaiah. I remember sitting down, and watching the video for the song and the children singing along. As I watched, my eyes filled with tears. It was so beautiful.

I have a very hard time listening to it though. While sitting in a chair, waiting for VBS to start, I looked over at my friend, and told her how much I hate being pregnant. The reasoning behind this...... my body basically shuts down every time I'm pregnant. It seems as though I can't walk, sleep, or do anything normal. On top of all the health problems that I was having in my pregnancy with Isaiah, I had a terrible head and chest cold. In misery, I spoke on how much I hated being pregnant...... Less than one week later, my precious son was gone.....

I don't believe that I will ever live down my negative words spoken that day..... I took the joy and blessing of pregnancy for granted, and for that, I will never be the same.

(Before watching the slideshow, be sure and pause the playlist on the bottom.)

This photo slideshow made with Smilebox

Calling For Him

I remember as a child loving every bit of Halloween. I would count down the days, because I couldn't wait to get my share of candy. Dressing up was fun, but that was my duty as a child. If you wanted the candy, you'd better be wearing something that took a little effort into making.... thanks mom! She did the work, I ate the sugar.

Nowadays, I really couldn't care less about Halloween. I really enjoy watching my boys have a great time and show me all of their sugar.... thanks to all my hard work (lol), but it's just different now.


I got everyone loaded up and ready to go....

We walked around, loaded up on the sugar....

The boys were almost done trick-or-treating, and then it happened......

A young mother called for her child that was taking off in the wrong direction. She called for him......"Isaiah......" I turned and looked. He must have been about two years old.

My chest started to slowly get tight,
My eyes began to blur through tears,
My heart pounded in my chest, as I bit down on the back molars in my mouth.


When I became a mother, one of my greatest fears, was loosing a child. It terrified me. Made me sick to think about. Now, it's my reality. A living nightmare.

With the loss of Isaiah,

Everything changed.

My life changed.

My thoughts changed.

Who I was changed.

Who I became.

Who I am.

I'll have my turn someday. I'll be walking with all my boys down a street made of gold, calling for him......."Isaiah......."

Beauty In The Storm

On the 26th., we had some major weather conditions where I live.

When I went to go and pick up my boys from school, the sun peeked out for a few minutes. My mind starts doing it's awesome mathematical smartness. lol

Sun + Rain = Rainbow

I start to look around for, "The Rainbow." lol

After I almost rear end the vehicle in front of me, I decide that maybe I'm a little out of control with the whole rainbow thing. lol

I give up on the search and continue home. I'm not going to lie though, I kept peeking a little bit out the side windows....... Hi, my name is Jenny, and I'm addicted to rainbows. hehehehe

Anyway, I get inside my home, and my phone rings.

"Hi Jen, do you see it?"......

"Where is it?!" I ask with a huge smile on my face and joyous laughter filling the room.

I walk out my front door, and there it is. Standing there with my camera in hand and the rain pouring over me, I snap the shot of the rainbow that you see at the top of this post.

This is what God can do with your pain. In the storms of life, He is still in control. When you're looking for an answer and searching for hope, He is creating beauty in the storm. He's forming it for His timing. He will show you.

Sometimes, all you need to do is walk out your front door.

One Year Ago, Today....... Happy Birthday Ezekiel!

It's your birthday today. A year of achievements..... first smile, rolling over, sitting, crawling, walking, saying a couple of words, waving "hi" and "bye," and of course, waking me up EVERY single night since you have been born! lol

When I reflect on the past year, I can't help, but be taken back to the nine months of my pregnancy with you. I'll never forget seeing the pink positive line on my pregnancy test. With excitement and fear entangled as one, I called everyone I knew. We were having another baby!

Ezekiel, until you're older, you may not realize what a true miracle you are. At five weeks pregnant, my body started to fight what God had knit in my belly. I started to bleed and have the same problems that had taken place with your brother, Isaiah. To say that I was terrified, would be an understatement.

I went in for an ultrasound, and there was no heartbeat to be found. My heart sunk. My soul was crushed. Why?.....

The next day, because of the amount of bleeding, daddy took me to the E.R. They told me that I was miscarrying.

On the drive home, I could feel life inside of me. I could feel that you were still hanging on. I would NOT give up on you! I refused. I prayed with power from the depths of my being, a prayer of a mother that just can't say goodbye to another child.

GOD HEARD.

GOD ANSWERED.

People throughout the world began to pray. On their knees. In the morning. Throughout the day. At bedtime. Spreading the word.

You began to grow. Kick. Suck your thumb.

The blood clots began to go away.




We found out that we were having another little boy. How wonderful!



Each week, I got to watch my belly grow.



On the morning of October 16, 2009, we were preparing for your birth. I had this weight on my shoulders, full of fear. Fear of death. Is my child going to be born alive? Is my body going to be able to handle another birth? Another surgery. I pray unceasingly.



At 9:21 a.m., you take your first breath of life...... I exhale the cloud of death that consumed my thoughts, and took my first breath of hope.



You are our sweet angel.



My rainbow.



You have brought this family so much joy. Happiness. Laughs.



You are not a replacement for the loss of your brother. You are a beautiful addition to our family.

God took my broken heart. My broken dreams........ and filled my arms.

Thank you God.

You ARE good!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY :o) Ezekiel Isaiah Ross :o)

I love you.

National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

~With an aching heart, tear filled eyes and empty arms, your candle was lit today~


Our love for you is immeasurable. You have been the greatest loss of our lives. Until we meet again...

Parker's Prayer

Tonight, as the boys were about to eat their snack, Parker requested to say the prayer. I told him to go ahead and start the prayer. He asked me how we start it, and I told him, "Dear Heavenly Father."

In his five year old voice, this was his prayer:


" Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this food we're eating, please we have a good day tomorrow, and thank you for Ezekiel, and please Isaiah is having a good time in heaven, and thank you for Mom and Devon and Caleb,".........

I don't remember anything after that. I was thinking of what Isaiah was doing in heaven and all of the beauty that surrounds him.

I'll bet he was looking down from heaven with a huge grin on his face saying, " I love you too brother," in his little boy voice.

Confused

There are so many feelings to carry after the loss of a child. I want to get better, and I just can't seem to find the path out of this consuming weight on my shoulders. I don't want to feel this "yuck" anymore. Being human, I'm afraid that there is no way out. I know that God helps me, but am I not willing to give it all for Him to carry? Am I suppose to? I really don't know. Am I one of those "off the wall cases," were a bereaved mother consumes her life with her loss. Is this wrong? Seriously. I really don't know what to do anymore.

Maybe, it's the guilt.

Maybe, it's the missing of a little sweet soul.

Maybe, it's the piece of my heart sliced away.....

ripped....

torn....

torn from a loving mother, wanting only the best for her children, and not being able to put the pieces back together again.

I want to put my life together, make it whole. I just can't complete a task that doesn't have all the parts to work back in as one.

How do you put a puzzle together, when you're missing a piece?

To Trust

I sit here and ponder my purpose in life. I believe that God has put us here to bring Him glory. Sometimes, I need to remind myself that. Like when I get into my 'Nobody is going to hurt Jenny Ross again' mood. I fear having to go through more pain in this life, and that's why I have slowly built my invisible brick wall of protection. I already know who my Protector is. So why do I fear so much all of the time? I don't know. I know by doing this, I take glory away from God, because I'm trying to do it myself.

Lately, things have been pretty "rough" for me. I have had to deal with so many problems, that I slowly lost focus on the road in which I was traveling. Not doing anything shameful. I just didn't hand my problems over to God, and go smiling along with my day. Handing it ALL over. That's really putting trust in my Father.

To trust. It seems to be my survival during major times in my life. Which is what the Father requires of His children. To take Him by the hand, and willfully follow where He leads. That's the road I want to be on. To trust. No matter how things may appear.

In Memory, We Celebrate

NOTE: This picture was taken on Isaiah's second birthday, August 3, 2010. I just thought maybe the way I wrote this post up, it seemed as though we had just celebrated it. I've wanted to share the pictures with all of you, but I really wanted to do it through a slide show. Hope to make one soon:)

I really want to put together a slide show of Isaiah's birthday. I just do not have the time right now. I decided to post this picture for now. If it was given a title, I would title it, 'In Memory, We Celebrate'.

I made a cake for little Isaiah, just as I do for all of my boys. I used colored sprinkles and made rainbows on the top corners of the cake. I put two blue candles in the middle of the cake to represent two years in heaven, and I added four star candles off to the sides, just to add some character to the cake. While we were singing "Happy Birthday," two of the star candles went out. The green and yellow stars. I like to believe that my little Isaiah was looking down that night.

A Very Special Visit

Last month, I had the pleasure of meeting Holly and her family. They were in the area, so we made an afternoon of it! I even took her to Isaiah's resting spot. I can't explain how special it was to actually meet up with a dear friend from the blogging world. This is the "world" that supports me through the difficult days/weeks and keeps me in prayer. Holly is so loving and always has a smile on her face. To say that this visit was special, would be an understatement!

Tattooed Footprints

On Isaiah's birthday, I went and had his real footprints tattooed under my rainbow. This was originally part of the "blueprint" when I went to go and get the rainbow, his name and birth/death date tattooed in January. I decided to wait and see if I wanted to do his footprints at a later time. A couple of weeks before his birthday, I decided to go and do it. It was the last chapter to the story that my back tells. When I look at my back, I see a story. It's a picture book. :) There are people who ask about it, and I'm able to share little pieces of what has happened with the loss of my son, and it's a great way to share my faith. Share the hope that I hold, and the grace that God gives. The footprints show life. Life that starts from conception. It shows that at 19.5 weeks of pregnancy, a child is fully developed. Sometimes, I feel as though people shrug off my loss because I had only went through half of my pregnancy. Like there wasn't anything to loose. Like my child wasn't really here. Take a look at my back, and you will see the footprints of a little boy who was real. He was here. He was alive. It's my fourth son. I miss that little boy. I wish that I could hear those little feet running through my home.


~I'll be sharing more pictures from his birthday soon~

Happy Birthday Isaiah

Two years ago, you blessed my life, with yours. You were gently placed in my arms. I was amazed by the detail in which God had formed every little piece of you. You were perfect. From your little eyes, soft ears and button nose. Down to your slender fingers, long legs and ten little toes. All that I could speak to you, were the words, "I love you Isaiah Christopher." I needed to know that you were hearing my voice until you couldn't hold on any longer. You did so good. You were so brave. A mother couldn't be more proud of her son, than I am of you. You have transformed my life so deeply. I learned lessons in life, that one can't learn by picking up a book, or years attending college classes. I learned how to love more deeply. To be thankful for the simple things that this world offers. Life, that only God can knit. Love, that penetrates the depths of the soul. I will never take for granted the fifteen minutes that we were given. I will never stop sharing your life with others. I ache to hold you in my arms again. I love you beyond the moon and stars. You are greatly missed Isaiah. Happy birthday son.

Forever loved,
Mommy
xxoo

Late July Air

There is something about the air in late July that takes me back to my old bedroom, getting ready for Isaiah's burial.

Dressing myself in a dress made out of black and white fabric.

The dress pulling tightly around my postpartum belly.

Putting on my new black dress shoes, and a couple pumps of his perfume.

I took that brand new little black bible in my hands and looked up a verse of hope. Nahum 1:7, and placed a photo of "mommy and Isaiah" in between the pages.

I gently took six white roses from the dozen that were sent to my "empty" hospital room, and carried them out the door with me.....



Almost two years later, in the late July air, I go shopping to prepare for that special day.

It's going to be his second birthday.

A day that will be celebrated in spirit and tears.

August 3rd. will bring with it, a cake baked and decorated for my precious son.

Having to be placed at a table with an empty chair, plate and clean fork.

Empty party hat, untouched noise maker and candles that will be blown out by his mommy.

"Happy Birthday," sung kneeling next to a marker that reads: Isaiah Christopher Ross.

The wind carrying our ballons and letters up to heavens door.

I know without a doubt, that he will feel all of my love embracing him.....

After all, he holds a piece of my heart.

Are You Listening?

A few days ago, I went to go water Isaiah's plant, and God spoke to my heart.

This is what happened...

I went and filled a container with water, and knelt next to his plant. When I was finished watering, I started to talk to my son. I was wiping the cut grass off of his stone, and then I saw it...

A couple drops of water had went directly under the eye of Jesus. He said, "Jenny, I see all of your tears, and I hear you cry to me. I cry with you."

Then, as I looked at the grass where he lay, the shadow of my head and shoulders went over it perfectly. He said, " You are, and will always be his mother, and you will be with him again. For now, I hold him, and care for him."

At this point, I felt so full of the Holy Spirit.

I got up to leave, and while getting up, I looked over at the van where my boys were. There was my Ezekiel, looking at me with the most angelic face, full of peace, made by God. He said, " This is the miracle I gave you. I have blessed you. Enjoy these boys."

"Live."

God spoke a new song to me that day. He told me to live. It's okay to live and not feel guilty.

God will speak to his people.

Are you listening?

My Time

This is my time. My time to grieve. As time continues, so does my grief.

I sit hear, and just can't seem to find the right words to type. As you have heard or read, a million times over, there just aren't any words to sum up this great loss. Maybe, a mother's cry, from the depth of her soul is enough. Or, the quiet weeping in the shower at night, that can only be heard by the Lord.

Isaiah's birthday is approaching. This makes me so sad. I watch the ticker in my sidebar, continue to count the days since goodbye. It gives me a sick feeling deep within my stomach.

A little over a week ago, I went and planted Isaiah a beautiful plant at his grave. As I dug the little hole, the words, "You did this to him," played over and over again in my head. It hurt so bad.

It takes every ounce of my strength, to hold myself together when I walk out my door, or go out in public. Home, is my safe place.

I really don't think that anyone has "caught" on to my pain. I do a VERY GOOD job covering it up! I don't want to talk about it. I will fall apart. I can only write about it.

It's very painful to see my child's face "etched" in the faces of his brothers. It makes me sad. I wish that I could have gotten to mother Isaiah. In a way, I guess I feel like I failed him as a mother.

I don't want to hide away from the world, but for now, I just need "my time."

Wonder

It's 1:36 a.m.

With blood shot eyes,

that were filled with tears,

I sit here and wonder,

what he would have been.

I Miss Isaiah...~tears~

Maryline made me these pictures last month... thank you Maryline.




I have really been struggling with the loss of Isaiah this past week. I've hid it well from others. You mix conversation with some laughs and a smile, you have made a perfect recipe called, "I'm Okay." I guess it's that time again where I am overwhelmed with the loss of Isaiah.

Sometimes, I really can't believe that I have a son that's not here with me. It makes my soul ache.

Mother's Day

Today, marks my ninth year as a mother. It has been the hardest job, and yet the most rewarding at the same time.

While pulling into church this morning, my friends daughter, ran up to my van as fast as her little legs could go. lol She was holding one dozen BEAUTIFUL roses and a sweet poem for me. They were from Isaiah.~sigh~

The poem is the next picture. I shouldn't have read it before I went into church! lol









The boys picked me out a pink and red rose. (Pictured above)




Caleb made me this awesome card at school. Each flower stem has a "special" job that he will do for me! I thought about throwing in a couple of "clean the toilet" stems. hehehehe Just kidding:)



Devon made this sweet card for me at school. He knew his mommy needed a rainbow today. He drew one up in the sky for me!


Devon also made this book for me. I love how he wrote "Mulrs day." I love being his Mulr! lol


My little Parker, made me this card. He said, "that's you and me at the pool!" Just me and my sweet ole' Parkie. :)


Parker painted me this mini plant pot too! I think that it is the most gorgeous pot that I have ever laid my eyes on!!

Over the last nine years, I have gotten to say "hello" to each of my boys as they entered the world. I have had to take the heart breaking path of saying "goodbye" to one of them. It hasn't been an easy journey, but I know that God will carry and guide me on the path that I now walk. His way is PERFECT.

I AM A MOTHER OF FIVE.... I HOLD ONE DEEP WITHIN MY HEART.

Through The Blinds...

Through the blinds...

I peeked out tonight.

I heard the rain dripping off the roof, forming into little puddles.

I looked far into the distance...

And admired the fog that was covering the fields and tress.

I felt the Lord ever near, and spoke softly...

" God, I miss him." ~Sigh~

Dandelions

Have you ever picked a handful of these beautiful weeds... I mean beautiful flowers... for your own mother?

My boys bring me oodles of these yellow wonders. lol

I found this single dandelion growing right above my little guy:)

I'd like to think that it had grown in that spot specifically for me. It was the only one there.

A Few More Drawings From Maryline

Maryline sent me some more drawings. This woman is absolutely AMAZING!!! If you haven't had the chance to see the other pictures that she drew for me, check out my last post.

I'm sure if you know me well enough, you can figure out what picture makes my heart beat a little faster. ;)

Amazing Drawings

Holly shared some beautiful drawings from a woman named Maryline. I was in awe over the beauty in her drawing ability, and Holly helped me to contact her. Maryline was more than happy to make me a handful of drawings too. I'm sharing three pieces of the five that she drew. I think she did an incredible job, and I could never thank her enough for the little piece of memory she gave me. Pictures that show how fragile life truly is.

Written In Chalk

Isaiah's name has now been written in colorful chalk. Sidewalk chalk to be exact. Something that he will never have the enjoyment of using, side by side with me.

I had a very hard time composing myself when I looked at this beautiful picture. If you look closely, it looks as if a child rubbed their hand through the left side of the rainbow. As I studied the picture, I daydreamed a mother with brown reddish hair and a little boy sitting close together on the sidewalk. Side by side. The little boy would pick out the most perfect piece of colored chalk for his mommy, then she would slowly write out each letter of the child's name. I-S-A-I-A-H......."Do you know what that spells," she asked in a playful high pitch voice. "It says Isaiah!" "That's you!" The little boy squealed with laughter and jumped into his mother's arms. She squeezed him tightly. While she held him, he politely requested a rainbow to be drawn above his name. "Of course sweetie," she replied. When the picture had been completed, the little boy rubbed his hand through the beautiful rainbow. His mother asked him why he had done that. His reply....... "When you see the rainbow, I want you to think of me mommy!"



A big thank you to La Cubanita, for writing Isaiah's name! She writes the names of children who are dearly loved and missed with beautiful colors of sidewalk chalk.

A Beautiful Cross-Stitch

I received a package in the mail today. It was from my sweet friend Caroline. She made this beautiful cross-stitch for me. It was so special because it was hand made.

His name was perfectly stitched.......

When I look at it, I picture it written in gold....... in the Book Of Life.

A Gentle Reminder

A gentle reminder...

that Isaiah is held safely... infinitely.

Thank you Jen.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter to my littlest buddy. 

I thought about you all day. 

I miss you. 

I love you.