My Journey

As most of you may have noticed, I don't write a whole lot on my blog anymore. I have gone through a heart wrenching year without my Isaiah. I've gone through every holiday without him and a little boy that was absent from his own birthday. When I started this blog it was to become my online journal through this journey without my precious son. I needed an outlet for my anger and sadness. I was able to do that, and was blessed with so many sweet caring baby loss mother's, who I now call... friend.

I was able to join "Walking With You" and share my journey at such a deeper level. I got to "dig" deep into the depths of loss. I was able to share each and every part of the loss of my son. From the day that I received the devastating news that I was going to loose Isaiah, how I felt after getting this news, was able to share about the birth of Isaiah and the moments that I will forever cherish after he was born, to share about my goodbye with Isaiah and experiencing the memorial service, how we chose his name and the meaning behind it, how I incorporate the memory of Isaiah into my life and family, and last but not least... what I think it will be like the day that I'm reunited with my precious son Isaiah in heaven. I want to thank Kelly Gerken whose blog is The Beauty Of Sufficient Grace.( You can visit her at     http://sufficientgrace-kelly.blogspot.com/  ) Thank you Kelly for your servants heart and taking the time to guide other hurting mother's in their own personal journey of loss. 

While dealing with the loss of Isaiah, God blessed me with the sweet little boy I currently carry in my womb. In the month of March, I was burdened with the horrible news that something was terribly wrong with the pregnancy. There was no heartbeat and then I was told that I was having a miscarriage when I had heavy bleeding the next day. Four days after that news, I went in for a check-up with my doctor....... and the little heart was beating! The baby was surrounded with blood and clots, and I was not given any good news. It was going to take a miracle for this baby to survive these circumstances. Eighteen weeks of many appointments and ultrasounds, I was told that I was a 100% normal. I had so much blood in my uterus, it took eighteen weeks for the blood to "exit,"  for me to claim my MIRACLE!!! I had so many prayers for me and this sweet baby and still do. I am thrilled to be able to introduce my Ezekiel Isaiah with all of you in a few weeks.

I know that I will come across some really hard days through this painful journey, and I plan on writing about those in the future. I just don't want to turn my blog into an everyday writing tablet. It was started with the main purpose of loosing Isaiah and I plan on keeping that the main focus. It's my heart, written down into words, shared with all. I still can't believe that I had to say goodbye to my little boy. It's a very raw pain. One that doesn't just heal because of time that has passed. I hold onto the hope that I will be with him once again. What a glorious day that will be.

Thank you for sharing Isaiah's life with me. God bless you all.

Love,

Jennifer Ross

For The Joy Set Before Us

Walking With You was created to offer comfort, encouragement, and hope to grieving families who have lost a child. This week, we are sharing what it will be like the day we are reunited with our precious babies in heaven. If you would like more information on this ministry, click on the "Walking With You" button in my sidebar. 

The moment I am reunited with my little boy in heaven... will be a true reward for me. The second my soul is placed inside the heavenly gates of glory, I picture Jesus standing there with His hand gently reaching for mine, and then placing it in Isaiah's hand. I feel at that moment, I will know why all of this pain and loss was allowed. Jesus will say to me, "welcome home my good and faithful servant." (I'm hoping...lol) It will all have been worth the pain that I have endured every single day of my life.  

For the very first time... I will set my eyes upon Isaiah's eyes. One of the regrets that I carry with me, is not being able to look into his sweet eyes. "They" say that the eyes are the windows to our soul. There is just something so special when you look deep inside your children's eyes or any person whom you truly love. You can really sense their heart and soul. 

I picture Isaiah as a young boy, not a baby. I don't even think that he will have been missing me. I believe that there are no tears and no goodbyes in heaven. Nothing bad. Just pure excitement! I see him with this huge smile, jumping up and down with anticipation to show me all that he has been doing. He will be tugging on my hand to have me hurry along the trail of adventures that he has been a part of. In certain places along the way, he will mention of the times that he heard me talking to him and the songs that we would sing to him. He will also mention of the times him and Jesus would send love and comfort to me while I was crying for my sweet boy. 

I truly believe with all of my heart that Isaiah is with me in spirit, and is a witness to my life. Talk about making sure that I don't do bad things. lol  It really puts in perspective how real our Lord is, and knowing that His eyes never leave us. He's watching all that we do and say. It's a constant effort to become a better person daily. To show more love and compassion along this journey in life. In becoming a better person,  I can truly thank my son for that, and trust the Lord in His endless wisdom and guidance.

One day, I will be reunited with my sweet sweet boy..... until that day.....

Waiting.......

Mini Debut

Here is a little teaser of my sweet Ezekiel.  I had my 31 week doctor appointment today and the coolest ultrasound. You can see his chubby cheeks, eyes, nose and mouth.  It was my first time having a 3D ultrasound. Isn't he the cutest!?

~Jenny~