Last night...

It seems to hit during the quiet moments....

the pain...

the anger...

the trail of tears streaming down my cheeks...



I quietly shut the door to the bathroom,

close the lid to the toilet,

sit...

put my hands to my mouth...

and quietly weep...



I miss him so much at times, I feel like I physically cannot handle another day.....



Then morning returns,

with it brings joy....

only a joy that can be given by our God.....

Happy 2nd. Birthday Ezekiel

Today, we are celebrating two beautiful years with Ezekiel. Every day has been a blessing. I put some time into thinking how I wanted to write a post for Ezekiel, but I couldn't put anything together that came close to the story of how this little miracle boy came to be. I'll just simply say, he wasn't "supposed to have been," BUT he is..... he is alive, healthy and vibrant!! A simple "thank you" to God will never be enough, but raising this little boy to know his Lord and serve Him daily, is my biggest passion as a mother..... to all of my boys.

I copied last years post, because I really want to share the precious story of my son. I updated his sweet pictures on the post too.



Dear Ezekiel,

When I reflect on the past two years, I can't help, but be taken back to the nine months of my pregnancy with you. I'll never forget seeing the pink positive line on my pregnancy test. With excitement and fear entangled as one, I called everyone I knew. We were having another baby!

Ezekiel, until you're older, you may not realize what a true miracle you are. At five weeks pregnant, my body started to fight what God had knit in my belly. I started to bleed and have the same problems that had taken place with your brother, Isaiah. To say that I was terrified, would be an understatement.

I went in for an ultrasound, and there was no heartbeat to be found. My heart sunk. My soul was crushed. Why?.....

The next day, because of the amount of bleeding, daddy took me to the E.R. They told me that I was miscarrying.

On the drive home, I could feel life inside of me. I could feel that you were still hanging on. I would NOT give up on you! I refused. I prayed with power from the depths of my being, a prayer of a mother that just can't say goodbye to another child.

GOD HEARD.

GOD ANSWERED.

People throughout the world began to pray. On their knees. In the morning. Throughout the day. At bedtime. Spreading the word.

You began to grow. Kick. Suck your thumb.

The blood clots began to go away.




We found out that we were having another little boy. How wonderful!



Each week, I got to watch my belly grow.



On the morning of October 16, 2009, we were preparing for your birth. I had this weight on my shoulders, full of fear. Fear of death. Is my child going to be born alive? Is my body going to be able to handle another birth? Another surgery. I pray unceasingly.



At 9:21 a.m., you take your first breath of life...... I exhale the cloud of death that consumed my thoughts, and took my first breath of hope.



You are our sweet angel.



My rainbow.



You have brought this family so much joy. Happiness. Laughs.



You are not a replacement for the loss of your brother. You are a beautiful addition to our family.

God took my broken heart. My broken dreams........ and filled my arms.

Thank you God.

You ARE good!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY :o) Ezekiel Isaiah Ross :o)

I love you.

Beautiful start

It's been awhile, but I'm still kickin'! lol

I have been working on a special post about Isaiah's birthday. Only problem... it's still written in my head! I haven't actually typed it out yet. lol Procrastination??

This morning, something really neat happened to me, and I just had to share it. It's my birthday.... not a big deal. The only big thing..... the number 30.... OUCH!

Anyway, as I was getting ready to take the boys to school, my littlest buddy entered my heart.(sigh) I wondered if he would show me something today..... a rainbow would be nice. :)

As I sat in the car and reached for my keys that were buried deep in my purse, there it was...... a rainbow. (One of the boys had hit their head on the dome light while getting into the car, which was the source for the rainbow to be created.) It was a complete rainbow. Covering my legs and steering wheel, were all of the colors of Gods beautiful rainbow. I felt so happy at that moment.

For one moment, I felt like I had all of my boys with me. I did. God held us all together. Nothing could have been sweeter, not even a piece of cake.......