Job 23: 10-12
But He knows the way that I take;
When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.
My foot has held fast to His steps,
I have kept His way and not turned aside.
I have not departed from the commandment of His lips;
I have treasured the words of His mouth
More than my necessary food.
I had my ultrasound this morning, and then my doctor came in to talk to me. " I don't know why this has to keep happening to you," was the first thing that she said to me. She showed me the ultrasound and all of the new blood clots that have formed since Monday. Then she went on to tell me......... that there was not a heartbeat.
She said that we should see one by now. Just to be 100% sure, she is having me wait one more week, and then go in on Friday to look for a heartbeat. If there isn't a heartbeat, I go into surgery that morning .
I did ask her if she thinks that I have a problem with my blood clotting properly. She said no, they tested me for all blood factors when I loss Isaiah. She said that because this has happened two times in a row, that the problem is in my uterus. Something in my uterus had been traumatized during delivery when I had my last healthy pregnancy.
This is a overwhelming day of sorrow for me. If you look at my post, " What would you call a blessing," it talks about why I wanted to have another baby. I have made the decision not to have anymore children. The steps to take care of that will be taken care of very soon. I will not play around with precious life.
(Now the tears start streaming down my face)
I wanted to hold my baby and rub it's soft head of hair on my cheek, whispering......" I love you."
Now....... those words will also be sent on angels wings.
I thank each of you that has kept me in your thoughts and prayers. Please continue to pray for my health as my uterus is continuing to bleed and clot. Thank you for walking this journey with me.
Thank you dear Jesus for carrying me through this valley.
Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding
♥Jenny
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Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry...there are no words. Weeping with you...praying for you...walking with you...
Love,
Kelly
I just don't know what to say. I'm so terribly sorry that this is happening again. I will remember you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is literally breaking for you. My tears are flowing with you. I wish so desperately that I could take this all away from you.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts, prayers and my entire heart go out to you and your family during this time.
*hugs*
Jennifer.....you are loved. Loved by people that have never even met you. i am one of them.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for your body to heal. Your heart to heal. and your spirit to heal. Jesus has you in the palm of His hand. I will be praying that you feel that, OVERWHELMINGLY!
You don't know me and I don't know you but please know that I am praying for you...not just for the difficulty you have faced so far but what lies ahead, the tough decisions that you have had to make. I am so very sorry.
ReplyDelete"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Ps.34:18
Jen,
ReplyDeleteI read all your blogs. I couldn't "wait" until I needed a break from studying. I could hear it in your voice today & I'm SO sorry I can't be there to give you a hug and just sit with you! I have lifted you up in lots of prayer these last few days & during my reading. I know God's got a plan. I wish I could take away your pain my dear friend! I love you! Jodi
Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteI do not know you personally, but have been praying for you, and my heart just breaks for you and your family... I can not even begin to imagine what you are feeling at this time...
I pray that the God of ALL comforts would comfort you as only He can, that He would be your strength in the days ahead, and that He would redeem this pain and heartache that you are currently going through and one day use it somehow for His glory...
Praying...
gosh, i am so sorry. as a mom who has had two of her children die in her arms...i know how much one doesn't want to end this "story" on loss. i know this must be breaking your heart...
ReplyDeletepraying for a miracle. for a fast beating heartbeat next week....and if thats not to be, i pray for god's peace to cover you.
i so dont want to play doctor but feel i need to throw this out just because its something i deal...something that could have been prevented had i been on blood thinners...have they mentioned being on blood thinners (ie: lovenox) to you? if you have discussed this before on your blog, i am sorry for bringing it up again. it just makes my heart sad to know that you may be all done...
((hugs)) to you...i'm so sorry.
Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteI'm sure there are no words that could soften the blow of your grief but I wanted to leave a comment to let you know that I'm praying for you during this time.
In Him,
Amy Walker
I am so sorry for your loss- I wish I had magic words to make it all better.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you. Give big hugs to your kids tonight.
I'm so very sorry - my heart aches for you.
ReplyDeletePraying for you,
lynette x
I'm SO sorry. My heart is sad for you and your family. I'm praying...
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you...there are no words to say to make you feel better...I've been there before.
ReplyDeleteI don't know sorrow sweet Jennifer. I wrote this for a friend, and don't know what else to say.
ReplyDeleteHow does a mom, who has never known hurt,
Never felt your heart ache and never known your loss,
Sympathize?
How do I reach out, where do we meet. How do we connect?
The Cross…
I cannot understand your pain, or even go there briefly.
I have never lost a child or even felt your grief.
My life has been a series of blessings, not deserving more than you.
I am realizing things may change and there is nothing for me to do.
The roads of our life were carved in Grace, before the world was made.
And the life we have, though sometimes hard, none of us would trade.
The portion that was given to me, is vapor in my hand.
Quickly life is falling through, now more than ever, I understand.
Often I have sat with others and could do no more than weep.
Hoping we could wrap our minds around a pain much too great to keep.
I know you do not know me, but we have been one place together.
The Throne of God is our common ground, and will be now and forever.
We could have easily met at the Cross, you would have seemed familiar.
For it’s at that spot we are the same and our burdens are much lighter.
I see my daughter in the face of your precious little baby.
Knowing all well I will get to see her grow into a sweet young lady.
So I do not presume to feel the full grasp of the pain that you will suffer.
But I do have your heart, for I am too a mother.
Wishing I could take it away, will not move this mountain.
But taking you to the throne, I leave you at a fountain.
That precious fountain filled with blood, spills not just for sins forgiven
But gives the grace that you will need, until you meet him in Heaven.
I also leave you with a Father, who truly knows your pain.
Though willingly he gave His Son, His hurt is just the same.
This mother prays for you today, tomorrow and years to come.
Until you get to worship the Father,
Who is taking care of your son.
In Christ,
Tammy Pulsifer
I am so sorry Jennifer that you are having to suffer this terrible loss... again. My heart hurts with you.... I don't have any other words...
ReplyDeleteI do know what it is like to lose a child, and I know there is no other kind of loss like this.
Know we embrace you from afar, though our hearts feel close.
We are thinking of you and your family.
My heart is breaking for you, I will definitely be praying for you and that Jesus just wrap you and your family with love.
ReplyDeleteNatalie