Walking With You

I have joined in on a special journey. A journey that can be very lonely and even depressing. I am walking with the other mother's who have had to say goodbye to their child(ren) way to soon. It's a walk that doesn't have to be walked alone. Please join us on this journey. Click on the button above to get all of the details. 

~The Beginning Of MY Journey~

With three other boys at home, I know how precious life is. My children are my everything. It's my job to take care of and protect these fragile lives.

August 3, 2008 was the start of a new journey in my life.

From seven weeks to nineteen and a half weeks of pregnancy, I had a huge blood clot that was forming in my uterus. It was over three fourths of my placenta. I knew that there was a possibility that I would loose my child, but I guess I still looked at myself in the world's view.... "it won't happen to me." You may know what I'm talking about. 

It did happen to me. 

On the 2nd. of August, I was rushed to the hospital at 11:00pm. The blood clot had pulled away from the placenta, causing a partial placental abruption, which started a bleed that ended up becoming lethal. Not causing death to my son..... but a fast approaching death upon me.

The next day, the 3rd. of August, I will NEVER forget. My doctor came into my room and sat at the end of my bed. She said that I had a condition called D.I.C. She said that we needed to deliver the placenta or I would be dead within the next twenty four hours. After the delivery, I still only had a 30% chance at survival.  

Wow! How will I be able to live after loosing my precious son? My son was healthy and alive. Why would God have me go through this? I couldn't answer that question yet. I had to start the dreaded death sentence. I had three little boys to go home to. At this point.... I had lost a piece of my heart. All the hopes and dreams that I had for this little one..... buried.

I held my little boy as the beats of his heart slowed down to his last. I kept telling him how much I loved him as I held his hand in mine. God gave me fifteen minutes. I am thankful for that little time that I was blessed with. My little Isaiah got to begin life within me and end it within my arms.

Why did God allow this? Most of that question will have to wait until I get to heaven. My life has been transformed in so many ways. I have tried to focus on living a more wholesome and fulfilling life, the life that Isaiah didn't get to live. I want to be a better person because of  his life, not worse. 

That is the beginning of the walk that I have traveled in the last ten and a half months. Thank you for walking with me, and may we find God's grace through this journey together.

~Jenny~