Just Wanted To Make Sure:)

When I write posts like my last one, "How Do You?", I just wanted to make sure that everyone knows that I haven't lost my faith in the Lord, and in knowing that Isaiah is safe in the arms of Jesus. That's one of the things engraved on his stone, Safe In The Arms Of Jesus. Most of you that read my blog know my love for the Lord.  

This blog is therapeutic to me. The road of grieving brings so many emotions, like many of you unfortunately.... already know. To be able to put my grief  into words, and then publish my thoughts, makes me feel, not so much alone in this sometimes unbearable pain. I know that there are people that read this blog and haven't ever lost any children (thank God), and I'm able to put out a "picture" of what a person goes through with such great loss. Not that it changes anything, but maybe it will educate people on what not to say to a bereaved parent. Or, maybe a new thankfulness in life of all of things that God has truly blessed you with. A new way to "look" at your life. 

I have tried to keep my personal life out of my posts, just because it was not my purpose of starting this blog. For today, I will give a little overview of each of my sweet boys. Caleb is my oldest, eight and a half years old. If I had to describe him in a couple of words, it would be "smarty pants" and artistic. He just loves to "use" his brain, or should I say more than what is required...lol Devon is my second child, he is six and a half years old. To describe him, I would say 100% boy. Like a miniature "Hulk man". He is very rough and tough, and loves all sports. Parker is my third child, and he is four and a half years old. I describe him all of the time by saying one word, (a little) "sneak". He just seems to get into everything! He knows how to really get his brothers "going" too...lol These boys are my everything. They can brighten my day when all there seems to be is clouds "around" me. They are the sweetest things in my life! My oxygen! God has blessed me with such precious treasure. 

So the next time that you read one of my "sad" posts, on the days that I'm feeling really gloomy, I'm grieving one of my jewels that have fallen out of my treasure box.

~Jennifer Ross~

P.S. Thank you to everyone who still prays for this growing jewel inside my womb and my continued health throughout this pregnancy. I will keep you updated. God Bless.

Prayer Request For New Blog Friend: A sweet girl named Erica, is pregnant with her second child, and received very scary news today.  She has a blood clot for a second time among other problems that may be happening with her unborn child. She lost her daughter in her last pregnancy due to another blood clot that she had in that pregnancy also. Her and I have very similar problems with blood clots that have been in our last two pregnancies. Please lift her in prayer, and stop by her blog and give her some much needed support. Thank You.

http://angel-skye-orner.blogspot.com/     (Erica's Blog)

How Do You?

How do you sum up your child's life? How do you explain to other people the heartache that you go through daily? The loss of your precious child? You cannot sum up the loss with words. The pain is deep within your heart.

I go through every single day "seeing" the loss. The things that I would be doing right now with him, and the things that he would be doing with his daddy and brothers.

I have a little boy that I got to tell I love you to, for fifteen minutes. I wanted a lifetime to tell him that.

I wanted to get one of those priceless pictures with Isaiah sleeping on his daddy for a nap.

We will never have a complete family photo.

Our car will always be missing one less family member when we go places together.

I will be making a cake for my son on August 3rd. every year, and my little Isaiah will never get to blow out any of his candles or ever know the sweet taste of cake.

When we take the kids trick-or-treating, there will be a little boy missing dressed in a spider-man outfit.

On Thanksgiving, I will be thankful for my family, my "broken" family.

Christmas day will bring an empty blue stocking next to the tree. One less pitter-patter of feet running through the hall to see what is under the lit tree.

Easter is one empty basket on the table, a missing little boy dressed up with a cute little tie.

On the Forth of July we will take the kids to the local parade in town, one less boy to see the fire trucks and fill up his bag with lots of goodies.

I could write all day about the loss of my son Isaiah. As time goes on, there will be more and more things that Isaiah and all of us will miss out on.

How do you sum up your child's life? The answer is..................impossible.

~Jenny~ 

Appointment For April 8, 2009

I went in to see my doctor today. I had another ultrasound, which was so sweet to see. The baby was moving around so much, and just looked like he/she was having a great time:)

When I saw my doctor, she said that she was bummed out that the blood clot didn't look smaller than at my last appointment. She said "you have a beautiful babe", which is great news. The clot is not connected to the placenta like it was when I was pregnant with Isaiah. That's good news too. The baby is bigger than the blood clot now, but until the blood is gone, I'm not "out of the woods". She wants me to come in and have an ultrasound in one month instead of two weeks. She will be able to get  a "better picture" of what's going on with the clot. She also agrees with the last doctor that I saw, that the clot is  looking like it's coming together like it's suppose to. We are praying that my body will absorb it, and it will be gone! If the clot "goes away", we can continue on with this pregnancy  without having to have such a great concern over this baby and my health. 

Like I have been saying a lot lately, we need to pray harder than we were before. Not that it's not working. It is working. That's why we need to continue praying harder than the last. I will continue thanking God for His many blessings of mercy and grace, and begging for a continued miracle. Please continue with me........HARD. Thanks to you all, who have been keeping me in prayer, you are all a part of this miracle. It is with your prayers, and mine, that gives us the power behind the prayer!

God bless,

Jenny

Eight Months Ago...

Eight months ago...

I had to say hello and goodbye in fifteen short minutes.

I held your little hand in mine, telling you over and over... " I love you Isaiah Christopher."

The nurse baptized you with oil, and 

shortly after...

your soul passed from my arms, into your heavenly Father's.

Thank you for the love that you have brought into my life. You have taught me what life truly is...  LOVE.

I love you Isaiah, my sweet baby boy.

I will never forget... NEVER.

Love,                                                                                                                                                

mommy

Appointment For Monday

First of all, I'm nine weeks pregnant.  A lot of people were wondering. I went in today and saw the on call doctor. My doctor was out of the office today. 

He compared today's ultrasound with Friday's, and it is looking so much better! The blood is almost out of me!!!! There is still a little black spot, which is old blood. There has not been any new bleeding. He said that hopefully the rest of the old blood will make its way out. He also pointed to a white area that is old blood clotting up. He said that's what we want to see. The blood is reorganizing, and my body will hopefully absorb it in a few months. 

He looked at the ultrasound from a few weeks ago, and said " I don't know how the baby survived this"?! I replied, " There has been a lot of people praying." " That works," came from his mouth.

When I was getting ready for my day this morning, I felt the Lord all around me, and I felt healed. For the first time in this pregnancy and the pregnancy with Isaiah, I felt like a "normal" pregnant woman. I felt like the burden that has been consuming me, had been lifted off my shoulders. I have been repeating over and over to myself, BY HIS STRIPES I AM HEALED. I say each word slowly, to put power in my prayer. I feel fresh and renewed, I feel healed.

God is so good. We don't deserve anything that He has given us, which makes me even more thankful for what He has blessed me with. All I have is thankfulness right now. Please join me in praising Him, giving Him the glory, and believe in this miraculous healing. The doctors don't have words to explain this, nor will they ever. It is God, and God alone..........

Thanking the Lord,                                                                                                                                         Jenny

Good Appointment.....Later....Worrisome

I had an appointment with my doctor yesterday and it went pretty good. They did an ultrasound, which showed a beautiful healthy baby, and the blood was actually looking not as bad as it was two weeks ago! My doctor said, "how can I have you believe me when I say that everything is looking a little bit better"? I said that I could tell when I looked at the ultrasound. I was sooooo happy. I had asked her, "if this all turns out good in the end, will you call it a miracle"? She replied, "wouldn't you already call it one"? My answer is, yes!

I am going to have my blood checked every Thursday to make sure that the levels are doing well. She had also said that until the blood is completely gone, we have to watch and treat the pregnancy as if the worse could happen. That way we are prepared to handle the worse. I am so thankful for my doctor, she is a wonderful woman! After the appointment I called my family and a few friends and told them that things are looking up!

When I was getting ready to put the kids to bed and come write a new post about my appointment.....I started to have tons of blood come out me again. It was not fresh blood, but the blood that has been around the baby for the last month. I called the after hours number for an OB, and the doctor told me to go in and get checked because I'm considered a high risk pregnancy. My friend watched my boys and my husband took me to the hospital.

At the hospital, they started an IV and took blood to check my levels. Those were fine. The doctor took an ultrasound and said that the baby looked ok, and he could see all of the blood around the baby still. He told me that the blood that is coming out, is old, and unless I start having fresh red blood, to not be alarmed. My instructions are to call and make an appointment with my doctor on Monday.

I am praying that God is just taking that old blood out, and healing me. I don't know if that is the case though. I couldn't barely move this morning. I just pray that there is not new blood forming. I really can't take much more of this. I have had a few depressing days, but overall, I have tried to stay positive. I feel so worn.....like I am loosing a battle. I have complete faith in God, and that He will have His will be done. I believe deep within my heart that God is going to deliver and bless us in the end. I am just overwhelmed by the ups.... and.... downs.

I need some very strong intercession for this pregnancy and innocent baby. I am weak, but He is strong. Please God, take these chains of anguish from me. 

I thank God for all of your prayers and comments that bring me encouragement that is much needed during this testing time in my life. Please continue praying hard for this baby and my health.

Philippians 4:6                                                                                                                                               Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

~Jenny~

                                                                                                                                               

Mommy, Please Don't Cry... There Are No tears in Heaven

A lot of you are probably familiar with the book: Mommy, Please Don't Cry... There Are No tears in Heaven. I bought this beautiful book about four months ago, and it brings me a little bit of peace, and a whole lot of tears!!!  I really want it to be a part of my blog, so I am posting it to go along with my journey through the terrible loss of Isaiah. The focus of my blog: The loss of  †Isaiah Christopher Ross† and grasping for God's grace through it.

Mommy, Please Don't Cry... There Are No tears in Heaven                                                                      By: Linda Deymaz  

Mommy, please don't cry... a beautiful angel carried me here!

I met Jesus today, Mommy! He cradled me in His big, strong arms. He made me feel so happy inside.

Mommy, please don't cry... heaven is wonderful! Did you know the streets are made of gold? REAL GOLD! 

I have lots of friends, Mommy. We run and play, we giggle and laugh. I can't wait to show you my secret hideouts!

Mommy, please don't cry... when I fall it doesn't hurt! There are no tears in heaven.

I've met a man named Noah. He told me about his big boat, all the animals, and the very first rainbow. Have you heard of Noah, Mommy?

Mommy, please don't cry... we have lots of parties here; with streamers and hats, and the best chocolate cake ever!

When it's time to rest angels tuck us in, I never get scared Mommy, There is no darkness here! Jesus is the light of heaven.

Mommy, please don't cry... the angels are always singing. I love to sing with the angels! You'd be proud of me, I have a pretty good voice. I must have gotten it from you.

There is a river, Mommy, in the most beautiful garden you could ever imagine... and a huge tree with yummy fruit. The angels call it the tree of life. Mommy, it's so wonderful to be alive in heaven!

Mommy, please don't cry... sometimes I just like to be by myself. That's when I think of you.

Someday, Mommy, we will hold each other tight! Then you will cradle me in your arms, and stroke my hair... and once again, our hearts will beat together.

Mommy, please don't cry... I'll wait right here for you.

I Corinthians 2:9

But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

~Jenny~