Happy Birthday Isaiah.... 4 years in the arms of Jesus

Isaiah,

As I sit and write this letter at the beginning of a new day (12:30 am), I realize that these were some of the last precious hours I was blessed to carry you deep within my womb. If I had only known how it would have ended, I would have been on that hardwood floor in my hospital room, pleading to the Lord to spare your life... but the Lord always knows what He is doing. He knew that my strength would have dissipated throughout the night, if I would have known that you and I were traveling to the end of our road here on earth. I never would have believed that this is how your life was going to end. Even after four years, I can still see that hospital room just as if it were yesterday. I can still smell the scents that August brings, as your birthday approaches. For the last four years, the month of August has brought new meaning into my life. It is a time that my heart aches for days, as I wish that you were here with us. A time when I sit and watch your brothers play, wondering what you would be doing with them. I feel so sad when I think of what you lost out on in life, but as of lately, I have been trying to look at your loss differently. I'm trying to make my heart realize how happy and whole you are with the Lord. I make myself see you smiling and laughing with Jesus, enjoying every experience of heaven. Your death has not been the end of you, but the beginning of life for eternity. You get to experience perfect peace and joy that I cannot touch until I am with you, in the presence of the Lord.

It has taken me almost thirty one years to really grasp the beauty that surrounds this world. True beauty. I looked out my window a couple of days ago, and watched the rain fall from the clouds. I then looked at the bush that had been growing all summer right before my eyes. It captured every rain drop, as it quickly rolled and dripped from leaf to leaf. It reminded me of how the Lord holds my every tear. Then, I watched the rain run down the window, just like the tear drops that run down my cheeks when I cry for you. It was a beautiful moment. The Lord showed through nature, that He holds it all. My tears/laughter, joy/sadness, you/me. Through Him, we are still together.

You lived more than fifteen minutes within my arms, but 19 weeks and 3 days within my womb. You have given me joy and love that will carry me throughout the years... into eternity.

I love you Isaiah Christopher Ross. Happy Birthday son.

Love,
Mommy


Romans 15:13
Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.