Walking With You.... Meeting Our Babies

This week, we walk this journey together, with the birth and meeting of our child(ren). Please walk with us.... join us in this walk, if you have had to say goodbye way to soon.

(This was not an easy post to do. Very emotional. I am thankful that we are having this walk together. There is so much healing that is needed. I feel it will take a lifetime.)

~Meeting Isaiah~

After a few hours of hard labor and five minutes of pushing.... my sweet little Isaiah was placed in my arms. I couldn't believe how small he was. He was absolutely perfect, in every way. Just to weak to survive so young.

Fifteen minutes. That's all I was given. I did not waste one second. I rubbed the inside of his tiny hand with my finger. I kept telling him, " I love you Isaiah Christopher Ross." I gently swept my hand down the side of his head.

HE WAS PRECIOUS.

God had created such a miracle.

The nurse checked to see if his heart was beating about every five minutes.

We had him baptized with oil, before passing.

After his last heart beat... he was taken from me.

The doctor had to focus on how critical my health was becoming.

I couldn't push the placenta out. So I was taken to surgery immediately. I was out for an hour and a half. It was supposed to have only taken ten minutes. The placenta had also grown into my uterus, making things even worse than before. I had been given more transfusions of blood during the surgery also. My doctor said that she has never had to give anyone that much blood before! (She told me that at my six week check-up)

After surgery, I was put in ICU for the night.

The next couple of days, I had a chance to hold Isaiah and have pictures taken. I felt a certain kind of peace when he was with me. Even though he wasn't alive, I still felt complete, because he was with me. I was able to protect him. I was able to mother my child...

I will NEVER forget saying goodbye. The nurse, funeral director and myself, took Isaiah to a room in the NICU. He lied there in a baby basket, wrapped in soft blankets. I asked to be alone for a few minutes. I kissed him, told him how much I loved him, and began to walk away. Then I would turn around, and go back to the basket and do it all again. I did this about five times. The only word to describe how I felt at that moment.... torn. You don't leave your children in the store, and walk away. You don't take them to the doctor, only to drive away without them. How do you say goodbye?? FOREVER..... until heaven welcomes you.

I was checked out of the hospital shortly after saying my final goodbye. I got wheeled out, with a swollen belly and empty arms. My son got to leave in a box with a stranger.

The journey continues...